Status penises


I’m worried my penis is too small to be good in bed. I’ve slept with loads of women and only a couple have had orgasms during sex. I can last about 30 minutes and am training myself to last longer. What can I do to make my penis bigger?


I don’t know how big your penis is erect, but I can tell you that the average penis size is about 5 inches, depending on where you measure from (the underneath or the top-side of the base).

I’m curious to know who you’re comparing yourself to and where you get your information on what makes sex “good”. We’re bombarded with the message that “big is better” whether it’s cars, houses, boobs or penises.
Porn compounds this idea by feeding the male fantasy that big penises are desirable and necessary for great sex. But we have to remember that porn is not real and the things that porn actors appear to desire and enjoy are often not real either.

Remember the women you’re watching in porn are doing a job and they are acting. In real life, most women don’t want to be called sluts, they don’t want to “deep-throat” or have men ejaculate on their faces, and they don’t want to have prolonged intercourse with huge penises.

It’s not all about the length of your penis either. Vaginal canals vary in length and the average vaginal canal (which can expand with arousal) is similar to the average penis in length. If you can feel the tip of your penis hitting off something during deep penetration, it means you’ve reached her cervix.

In fact, men with long penises often want the feeling of deep penetration but will never experience it because there isn’t a vagina long enough for them. Men with smaller penises can engage in deeper, harder penetration without hitting their partner’s cervix. Hitting the cervix can be anything from uncomfortable to excruciating for women and usually needs to be avoided.

Real sex isn’t about stretching and hurting and pushing your partner to her limits. It’s about pleasure for both of you. Most women prefer smaller penises when giving oral as they don’t want to gag or get a sore jaw. Smaller is often preferred for anal play too, and some women don’t even want penetration.

About 85% of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, so it sounds about right that only a couple of women have orgasmed during penetrative sex. I recommend you shift your focus from the size of your penis to your tongue and finger skills. The evidence is deafening: women much prefer a lover with a smaller or average penis who knows how to arouse them in a multitude of ways, rather than a man who thinks all he needs is a big penis and lacks skills. I’d question your need to last longer than 30 minutes too!



I could do with a little help with my erections sometimes. I’m in my 40’s, healthy and fit. I don’t smoke and drink moderately. I eat fairly well and I fancy my wife. So I think it’s just usual age stuff. I don’t want to take Viagra as I only get a bit soft sometimes, and I don’t like the sound of the side effects. What else can I do?


You’ve checked a lot of the boxes around your health, fitness, diet and ingestion of alcohol and tobacco. In your 40’s it’s quite natural to start noticing softer erections at times. I agree that it’s not the time for Viagra and would recommend a few other ideas first. I’d like to know if your erections are softer when you’re masturbating and if you’ve noticed a difference in the mornings. If they are softer across the board, go and get your bloods checked first.

Cardio fitness helps erections as they love strong blood flow. So what’s good for the heart is good for the penis. Your penis will thank you for healthy blood pressure, low blood sugar and low cholesterol. Stress is damaging to erections too as adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) flood your system telling your body to forget about erections while it tries to survive.

Next is to strengthen your pelvic floor (PC) muscles. Go online and get yourself some pelvic floor exercises for erections. Pelvic floor strength is great for erections but it’s rarely talked about. Practice clenching the muscles that stop your urine flow and pulling the anus up into the body. Those are your PC muscles working. If you want a more structured approach take a look at to learn more about how important your PC muscles are.

Check that you and your wife are aware of the level of pressure and stimulation your penis needs as you age. While just thinking about your wife may have been enough to keep you hard a decade ago, you’ll need more mental and physical stimulation as you age. So will she by the way!

Masturbation is vitally important for penis health, as long as you’re masturbating in a healthy way. Three-minute hand shandy’s won’t help. Set aside two or three 30 – 40 minute sessions a week to self-pleasure. Massage all your body and all your pelvic region to get warmed up and then massage your penis before it gets erect with some gentle stretching. Bring yourself close to orgasm but then pull back (this is called edging) and try to do this three or four times per session. With a nice lube (organic coconut oil) you can try lots of new strokes, speeds and pressures. This is a penis work-out rather than getting your rocks off.

All these methods are fantastic at any stage and should not only help erections now, but should help keep that little blue pill out of your medicine cabinet.



I’m in a new relationship with a guy I really like but his penis is really long. Is it possible for a penis to be too big? I know I should like it but sometimes I avoid sex because it hurts deep inside and I’m embarrassed to say anything


There’s no such thing as “one size fits all” when it comes to any sexual act or body part. No two bodies are the same and no two people with have completely matching tastes. One person like might a long penis while another might enjoy a short thick one. There’s nothing wrong with either of you and with a bit of creativity you should be able to find ways to avoid that awful thumping on your cervix.

We all know that penises vary in size but it’s a little known fact that women’s vaginas also vary in length from person to person but also at different times. For example before a period the cervix can drop a little lower in the vagina and be more sensitive, and when really aroused, can raise a little to accommodate the penis. It may be that your vaginal canal is shorter than his penis. The pain you’re feeling deep inside is probably the tip of his penis hitting your cervix. He may really enjoy the sensation as it provides extra stimulation to his penis, so unless you tell him, he may never stop!

Some deep penetration positions (that may hurt you more) include him on top with your knees pulled up, or your legs round his waist or over his shoulders and traditional doggy style with your legs wide apart.

Take control of the thrusts to show him how deep he can go without hurting you. Get him to remain still while inside you and move yourself along his penis. Some good positions for this are you on top or him behind you in spooning position. A slower pace may help too. Once he understands your limits you can try all sorts of things.



Is there a bone in my boner and can it break?


I’ve been asked this before and the answer is that there’s no bone in a boner despite the name. So if there’s no bone, what makes a penis hard? A penis has two tubes called the copora cavernosum that fill with blood making the penis swell and get really hard. Though this is the natural way for any penis to get hard, all penises are different so some get harder or bigger than others. And sometimes the situation you’re in, medication you’re on or how worried you are can affect your erections.

Even though there’s no bone in a penis, there is a tough layer of tissue covering the tubes just under the skin, keeping everything in place. Think of the tubes as inner tubes of a tire that inflate, and the tough layer of tissue as the actual tire around them. Because the tire is so tough and dense, it can get fractured and sometimes there’s even a cracking sound, and it’s called a penis fracture. This can happen if the penis gets bent or squashed when erect. Fracturing your penis is rare, but if it happens, an ice-pack and some anti-inflammatories will help. If after time there’s pain, any little bumps appear or there is any kind of bend in the penis, get it checked out by a urologist. You’ll need to be referred by your GP and the sooner you get checked out the better!



Status oral pleasure – males


When I’m giving my boyfriend a blow job he wants me to swallow but I hate the taste so I spit it into a tissue or go to the toilet. He moans about it every time. Who’s right?


If he wants you to swallow his ejaculate and you don’t like the taste, ask him to swallow it himself and see what he thinks. He shouldn’t ask you to do something he’s not willing to do himself.

If you’re okay with semen in your mouth then maybe it’s worth seeing if he can improve the taste (whether you spit or swallow). Diet plays a big part in how semen tastes. Pineapple makes it sweet while smoking, drinking, caffeine and spicy food tend to make it sour.

But remember! Even if his semen tastes like the nectar of the Gods, there should be no pressure on you to do anything you don’t want to do. Moaning is not sexy and tends to kill any motivation so if he wants to keep getting blow jobs, maybe he needs to keep his moans to those of pleasure.



Status male sexual problems


What are the most common sexual problems for men?


Men ask me this all the time!

Premature or rapid ejaculation, erectile problems and performance anxiety are the most common issues. They often appear in combinations and one can lead to another. For example, a man with erectile problems will often develop performance anxiety and may try to rush intercourse before he loses his erection, which over time can lead to rapid ejaculation (RE). Men’s sexual problems are often over-simplified to purely physiological and while sometimes they may be caused by surgery, illness, injury, medication or age, there is usually a psychological and often a relational impact to be addressed too.

Men tend not to look for help early. Whether single or in relationships, issues with performance significantly impact their confidence and before long unhelpful thought and expectation habits build. By the time I see them there is usually work needed to break those habits and build new, helpful ones. The sooner they look for help, the less ingrained the habits tend to be.

The good news is that there are masses of ways to improve these problems. Depending on the cause, it may be necessary to alter ideas of what great sex means. People can find this challenging but physiological changes are inevitable and all men will experience problems with function at some point. Best to get help sooner and not suffer in silence.



Status male orgasms


Can men have multiple orgasms?


Because ejaculation and orgasm usually happen at the same time, we think they’re the same thing, but they aren’t, and while most men experience one ejaculation, they can have lots of orgasms. It’s also worth noting that you can have dry or non-ejaculatory orgasms with or without an erection.

Some men experience dry orgasms by surprise and don’t know how to have another. But others choose to learn breathing techniques and ways to move their sexual energy around their body so they control when, and how many times that energy peeks.

Tantra offers skills and knowledge based on ancient wisdom and understanding of the body, spirit, mind and energy. I love Barbara Carrellas’ modern take in her book Urban Tantra.

For any work related to orgasm or ejaculatory control, what we’ve been told historically about distracting ourselves and thinking unsexy thoughts is completely unhelpful. It takes us out of the moment and away from our partners, and leaves orgasm/ejaculatory control up to chance. It takes time and patience, but it’s definitely possible for men to have multiple orgasms.



Status do men have g-spots?


Do men have G-spots?


The male G-spot is actually his prostate gland, which is about the size of a walnut and is found about two inches inside the anal canal on the front wall (facing his tummy). The prostate gland helps control urine release (it’s right below the bladder) and also produces some seminal fluid.

There’s plenty of research showing the health benefits of prostate massage (sometimes called “milking”) and there are specialist clinics and expensive equipment to do the job. But it’s pretty easy to do yourself, and many men enjoy prostate massage immensely as part of sexual play. The prostate can be stimulated externally by massaging the perineum (or taint), the smooth area between the testicles and the anus. All men are different, so some will find this fantastic, but others, not so much. Experiment with pressure and touch and add lube for extra sexy slip. Some men find that firm pressure on the perineum with fingers, or light touch with a vibrator, can help with erections and/or ejaculation.

Internal stimulation of the prostate can lead to explosive orgasms for some men. But it’s not something that should ever be attempted without discussion, some reliable education and good communication in the moment. Porn is not your ally when it comes to learning anything about anal play. As with the female G-spot it’s best to get really warmed up before trying anything and the person being penetrated needs to be in complete control. I love Charlie Glickman’s The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure for reliable, sex positive tips.